New Moan

Heffa Lump is a self-centred seventeen-year-old who needs to grow up and get a life. Fortunately, the Spatula Academy of Fictional Excellence specializes in helping characters from kids' books cross over into adult fiction. Unfortunately, she's distracted from her attempts to leave adolescence behind when she meets Teddy Kelledy - an impossibly gorgeous boy who eats rare meat, is super-strong, and never goes out in daylight. Could he - just maybe - be a vampire? (Hint: totally.) Soon, Heffa finds herself harassed by supernatural forces on all sides: vampire goths peddling the deadly drug 'Emo' all over town, Jacko-worshipping zombies trying to eat her brains, and werewolves lurking in basements reading copies of Wolf Whistle. A fight is coming, and apparently she's involved ... Will Heffa be able to narrate herself out of danger? Will Teddy learn that being with a girl doesn't always have to be about biting? And what will happen when the New Moan rises? New Moan is guaranteed to make any fan laugh out loud with its irreverent and clever take on this popular series, which is brilliantly on the nose.

Imagine you could give an essay entitled "How to Make Me Come" to a past, present or future sex partner, free of judgment or repercussion. What would you want them to know? In this book inspired by Emma Koenig's wildly popular website, a diverse collective of women do just that. Emma Koenig was inspired to answer this question after a truly frustrating sexual experience with a partner. As she says, "THE SIMPLEST VERSION OF THIS STORY DEVOID OF ALL IDENTIFYING DETAILS: He thought I had an orgasm. I hadn't." She knew she couldn't be the only woman to have been mystified by an experience such as this, and so her Tumblr, How to Make Me Come, was born as a safe space for women to talk honestly and openly. The website touched a major chord. It received tons of press and garnered over a million page views in a month. And now, a broad range of the best of these anonymous essays have been collected into MOAN. The ways through which women achieve sexual pleasure are often ignored, devalued, or misunderstood. MOAN tackles the ideas surrounding the sometimes elusive orgasm head on. Here is a look into the spectrum of desire. Of frustration. Of experiences that have left an impact. From the hilarious to the tragic, from the intellectual to the erotic, these essays will leave you feeling inspired and excited to embark on your own journey of sexual exploration and empower women to do what most of the time is hardest for us: asking for what we want and don't in the bedroom and beyond. What people are saying about it: "Prioritizing women's pleasure is a critical part of our liberation. Not only is MOAN an intimate, educational and funny collection about orgasm and desire but it pushes the cultural conversation forward."--RASHIDA JONES, actress, writer, producer "Koenig's book is exactly what we need to break the absurd, toxic silence around female sexual pleasure."--PEGGY ORENSTEIN, bestselling author of Girls & Sex and Cinderella Ate My Daughter

Heffa Lump is still living at home in Spatula having graduated from the Spatula Academy of Fictional Excellence, and is looking forward to a life of notoriety as the girlfriend of the fabulously wealthy vampire Teddy Kelledy. Still desperate for fame, Heffa considers entering Undead's Got Talent, judged in part by the fearsome Vindicti - the only problem is, she's not a member of the undead. . . yet! She soon realizes that hers and Teddy's love story is so amazing that it alone could make them both famous! As her plans for fame become more elaborate, she graciously allows Teddy to give her a blinging engagement ring and the society wedding of the season, with as much media coverage as possible. However, the course of true love and Heffa's frenzied rise to fame is threatened by The Vindicti, who want to make sure that the Kelledys' incredible celebrity power is under their control. WIll Heffa ever get fame, fangs and a fabulously famous family? Will Teddy get the wedding night he lusts after? Find out in this hilarious new addition to the Twishite parody series.