Stepcoupling

Love may be sweeter the second time around, but once the bliss of a newfound relationship wears off a little, the reality of being part of a stepfamily sets in. If you are one of the millions of remarried Americans facing the challenge of blending two existing families into one cohesive whole, you are part of a stepcouple—and you know all too well how hard it can be to make your marriage work in sometimes tough terrain. Different parenting styles, finances, relationships with ex-spouses, legal matters, and even seemingly simple issues such as the kinds of chores assigned to children can chisel away at your union if you don’t always make your marriage a priority. Stepcoupling offers advice for stepcouples on how to do just that—all the while strengthening their blended family with a healthy marriage. Susan Wisdom and Jennifer Green provide tips and strategies on dealing with the issues remarried couples face, with a wealth of advice from real-life stepcouples, such as: * Learning to tailor your expectations of your spouse or children and remembering that no family is perfect * Knowing where your boundaries are, whether involving a hostile ex-spouse or a stepchild who demands too much attention * Realizing that traits like flexibility, tolerance, forgiveness, and openness are especially essential in a stepfamily situation * Making “us” time for talking, problem-solving, weekends away, and enjoying your marriage to constantly renew and strengthen your bond as a couple Let this invaluable remarriage manual help you make your stepcouple the foundation of a strong, happy, and successful stepfamily.

An honest and groundbreaking guide to understanding the complicated emotions that develop between stepmothers and children. When faced with often overwhelming challenges, what woman with stepchildren is unfamiliar with that “stepmonster” feeling? Half of all women in the United States will live with or marry a man with children. To guide women new to this role—and empower those who are struggling with it—Wednesday Martin draws upon her own experience as a stepmother. She's frank about the harrowing process of becoming a stepmother, she considers the myths and realities of being married to a man with children, and she counteracts the cultural notion that stepmothers are solely responsible for the problems that often develop. Along the way, she interviews other stepmothers and stepchildren and offers up fascinating insights from literature, anthropology, psychology, and evolutionary biology that explain the little-understood realities of this unique parent-child relationship and—in an unexpected twist—shows why the myth of the Wicked Stepmother is the single best tool for understanding who real stepmothers are and how they feel.

Based on a landmark longitudinal study, the nation's leading expert on stepfamilies reveals his breakthrough findings and offers the first detailed guide to easing the conflicts of stepfamily life and healing the scars of divorce. There are more than twenty million stepfamilies in America. For most of them, the simple, daily issues that challenge every family are even more anxiety-provoking. After conducting a comprehensive nine-year-long study funded by the National Institutes of Health, Dr. James H. Bray has written an invaluable book that explains why over half of all stepfamilies fail and reveals the strategies that help the others succeed. A stepfamily is assaulted on all sides by difficult and often divisive questions. How much control should a stepparent have over a stepchild? How much authority should a nonresidential parent exert over a child? How should a difficult former spouse be handled? How does an "ours" baby change the emotional dynamic in a stepfamily? Why is there a lack of "honeymoon effect" during the first years of stepfamily life? The purpose of Stepfamilies is to answer all the important questions of stepfamily life--to fill in the knowledge gaps that undermine so many stepfamilies today and, crucially, to learn the effect of stepfamily life on children. Based on one of the largest and longest studies of stepfamily life ever conducted, Stepfamilies interweaves the stories of real families to illustrate such study findings as how: a stepfamily has its own natural life cycle a stepfamily takes several years to develop into a family unit a stepfamily is at greatest risk during the first two years a stepfamily ultimately coalesces into one of three forms a stepfamily must solve four basic tasks in order to succeed a stepfamily can help heal the scars of divorce Filled with emotional, gripping stories, Bray's findings pinpoint the three major transitions in stepfamily life and identify the riskiest issues that can throw a family into crisis. Bray is the first to identify the several distinct forms that stepfamilies take and to explore which types of stepfamilies are more vulnerable than others and why. He also describes the natural life cycle of stepfamilies and basic tasks all stepfamilies must undertake to succeed. With a wealth of insight into the positive effects of remarriage, Bray shows how a loving, well-functioning stepfamily can lessen the trauma of divorce and restore a child's and family's sense of security. Most stepparents remarry with the highest hopes and new resolutions for a better life. Never before have their unique needs been addressed in depth. Through insightful case studies and practical advice, Stepfamilies reveals how a strong, stable stepfamily is as capable as a nuclear family of nurturing healthy development, of imbuing values, of setting limits and boundaries, and of providing a structure in which rules for living a moral and productive life are transmitted, tested, rebelled against, and ultimately affirmed. Bray's positive message and fascinating findings--many of which defy intuition--will put stepfamilies on the road to lifelong harmony.

Rebecca Eckler’s newest book chronicles the hard truth of what it’s really like to make a blended family. Blissfully Blended Bullshit is a witty, engaging, refreshingly candid chronicle of a modern family’s journey as they blend households. We follow Eckler as her partner and his two children move in with her and her daughter. Then, thanks to a reverse vasectomy, they add a baby to the mix. Readers go along for the ride in this poignant, often hilarious tale, as everyone attempts to navigate their new roles: the children, the in-laws, the exes, the ex-in-laws, and even the dog. Lighthearted and intimate, this is an indispensable story about a family determined to make blended splendid, and the juicy truth of what it’s really like behind closed doors in what is rapidly becoming a typical family makeup. Still, if Eckler had to blend again, would she?

One of three Americans is today a stepparent, a stepchild, or a stepsibling. That means there are lots of stepmothers and ex-wives out there wrestling with resentment, jealousy, anxiety, anger, and despair over their relationship with the “other woman” in their life. That's where stepmother/ex-wife team extraordinaire Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Carol Marine step in. No One's the Bitch is their straight-talking, handholding walk through what is typically a very lonely minefield. Whether women just want to create a neutral, “business” partnership or actually, gulp, to become friends, this book shows them how to reach their goal through ten powerful steps, with chapter titles such as “Own Your Own Crap,” “Collaborate,” and “Communicate.” The authors also recount their own journey, providing ample hope and reassurance to all women struggling to keep a blended family together.

A New York Times bestselling relationship expert shares stories of seven remarried couples—and explains the unique challenges these families face and how anyone can bypass roadblocks to lasting intimacy and enjoy a happy home life: “A compelling book that can serve anyone looking to tie the knot once more” (Kirkus Reviews). It’s estimated that 40 percent of new marriages in the US are remarriages, but the survival rate of second marriages is alarmingly low. Many remarrying couples set out with a sense of optimism, a belief that this marriage will usher in a life of happiness and unity—but complicated family dynamics can often strain new partnerships to the breaking point. The challenges of remarriage are pervasive, but little guidance has existed until now. Based on more than a decade of candid, revelatory interviews, The Remarriage Blueprint provides a crucial explanation of the obstacles to remarriage and the secrets to overcoming them. Author Maggie Scarf, a consummate relationship expert, plumbs the everyday workings of shared life to illuminate the emotional preconceptions, social pressures, and perpetuated fantasies that confound remarriage. Through cautionary tales and stories of hope, Scarf offers guidance for handling everything from children who reject the new family dynamic to the thorny issue of money. Loaded with practical wisdom and searing accounts, The Remarriage Blueprint is “an extremely helpful book on a topic that receives too little attention” (Peter D. Kramer, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Human Behavior at Brown University and author of Listening to Prozac).

"Nearly 60 percent of remarriages end in divorce." What can people do to beat the odds? David and Lisa Frisbie share the fruits of more than 20 years of speaking, teaching, and counseling. Having talked to hundreds of couples, the authors use many real-life examples and speak with hope and humor about the challenges. They point to four key strategies to help bring long-term unity: forgive everyone, including yourself regard remarriage as permanent and irreversible use conflict to get better acquainted form a spiritual connection centered on serving God With further step-by-step marriage-saving advice about forming a new family unit and helpful discussion questions, "Happily Remarried "makes a great how-to recipe for a successful, happy remarriage.

The Happy Stepcouple is a comprehensive and practical self-help book designed to help couples with children from prior relationships thrive despite the complexity of stepfamily life. More than two thirds of stepcouple relationships break up within the first few years of committing to each other. With these terrible odds, every stepcouple needs an arsenal of tools necessary to sustain a loving relationship. The Happy Stepcouple gives them everything they need to navigate complex stepfamily dynamics with confidence and kindness, allowing them to build a happy, fulfilling life together. Drawing on the insights and strategies developed from the author’s 30 years of working as a marriage and family therapist specializing in treating stepfamilies, this work also includes the personal accounts of many stepcouples who describe their stepfamily problems along with how they handled them. Utilizing the most current research in attachment theory, psychology, communication, and marriage and family therapy, Rachelle Katz offers a grounded approach to overcoming problems stepcouples experience by examining the two primary reasons why so many of these relationships get in trouble: Partners’ inability to understand, agree to, and fulfill each other’s unspoken needs and expectations, and communication styles during conflicts that increase each partner’s insecurity levels and weakens their emotional connection to each other. Both of these factors fray emotional bonds—bonds that already are stressed by stepfamily challenges. Here, stepcouples learn how to establish realistic stepfamily expectations as well as identify and modify harmful communication patterns, essential elements needed to strengthen their emotional bond.