Telling Tales Out Of School

A collection of over thirty essays in which gays, lesbians and bisexuals look back at their schooldays - some with humour and some with pain.

One of my long-ago first-grade girls had a charming way of congratulating her friends when they solved a math problem, or read aloud "with expression," or did anything at all she deemed noteworthy. Invoking her favorite cartoon character, Yogi Bear, she would say, "Smarter than the av-er-age kid." It was cute. It was generous. It was kind. It was funny. And it reminded me that she herself was smarter than the av-er-age kid. My judgment of that little girl was borne out years later when she called to tell me about her new business venture in Niagara Falls. We talked at some length about the old days at Beech Avenue Elementary School, recalling incidents like our class trip to Lombardi's Farm when one of the boys took an unforgettable ride on a rambunctious calf's back. In short, we repeated the memories - the stories - we had told ourselves again and again. That's what people do; they tell stories. They organize their memories as beginning, middle, and end to figure out their meaning, the reason that they are such vivid memories in the first place. As I organized my memories of teaching to write this book, I was struck by one overriding meaning of it all. Every one of the children I was privileged to teach was ... well, 'special' doesn't quite satisfy, for the word has all but lost its meaning. So I'll borrow my former first grader - my young entrepreneur's - phrase and declare: Each and every one of my kids was in some way (sometimes in many ways) smarter than the av-er-age kid.

WHICH UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE PRESENTER FAILED HIS ELEMENTARY MATHS O LEVEL SIX TIMES? FOR WHICH DRAGONS' DEN INVESTOR WAS FLOGGING LEATHER JACKETS A LUNCH BREAK ACTIVITY? WHICH ENVIRONMENTALIST WAS EXPELLED AT PRIMARY SCHOOL FOR ATTEMPTING TO POISON HIS CLASSMATES WITH DEADLY NIGHTSHADE? WHICH ADVENTURER AND EXPLORER SPENT HIS TIME AT ETON SHINNING UP THE ARCHITECTURE? Through intimate conversations with journalist Jonathan Sale, some of Britain's leading personalities reminisce about their school and college days, revealing the portents, paths and false starts that led them to where they are today. With poignant and hilarious anecdotes spanning everything from those very first days at school to receiving their dreaded O level, A level and degree results, this book is brimming with recollections that every reader can associate with. Tributes are paid to the teachers who opened doors, whilst others tell tales on those who slammed them in their faces. And all credit to the teachers who were truly prophetic about their pupils. These personalities may be reticent with regard to their adult personal lives, but speak candidly about their childhoods, revealing fascinating insights into the role their formative years played in shaping them to become the people they are today.

In a life wrapped up in greed, ignorance, revenge, love and deceit, the author takes you on a thrilling and exciting journey of various Kenyan characters who all board an express bus to Mombasa, the country's coast. Meet Mumbi, an eleven year old girl whose father, a Mungiki sect religious fanatic, wants to forcibly circumcise her then marry her off to a sect member. Her seat mate is Sr. Maria, the selfless nun who is determined to save the girl, and who confronts the thugs that hijack the bus but later has to plead for their lives when her fellow passengers vow to lynch them. Chege, the naive son of a remarkably poor polygamist, gets a second opportunity in life, when he is sponsored to go to college, but in the bus he meets Ndugu Musa (Brother Moses), a reformed' jailbird who is eager to befriend him after he learns that the over-trusting villager carries his college fees in cash. Kanini is a pregnant rebellious teenager on her way back home to make peace with her parents after eloping. Loud-mouthed Othis is a promiscuous megalomaniac, taking his materialistic girlfriend to Mombasa on holiday; oblivious that there are hijackers within ear shot of their conversation and that an uncompromising brownie teacher, bearing him a grudge from the past, is also onboard and that she will go to any length to even the score. Then there is Tony, a Kenyan home on holiday from America, who carelessly accepts a painkiller from a stranger in the bus. As they struggle through the rough road, the heavy downpour and the hungry Tsavo man-eaters, can the pregnant girl make it through the journey and will the passengers who learn that they cannot trust each other all arrive in Mombasa, on time and in one piece?

Laugh, weep, be moved, challenged, and inspired, as you are taken on a journey of discovery. You might identify with the students – or relate to this teacher! Delve into her world, as she fulfils her childhood dream of becoming a wise and compassionate teacher. She considers teaching as the greatest privilege and responsibility. She taught her school subjects, but she also taught young people life skills: how to learn, laugh, live, love, forgive – and what really matters, in this short life we are gifted. She strongly believes that students need acceptance, and self-belief, in order to learn and to love learning – that they are worth her time, interest, and care. Her methods of engaging the interest of students were rarely traditional. But they worked! If students had difficulty, her calling as a teacher was to “find another way”. Every time. You will be touched not only by her variety of classroom stories, but by her honesty, humour, wit, and insights, but you’ll be hooked with her ‘teaching’ experiences as she travels with seven teenagers for three weeks in a foreign country. What could possibly go wrong? Enjoy.

Andrew Macalpine's tales range from the ridiculous - out of control end of term celebrations with students throwing flour and eggs and teachers letting rip with a fire hose. To the daring (and crazy) - the boy sitting on a roof ten storeys up with his feet dangling over the edge. To the scary - the head who lost his temper. To the frightening - the boys who threw the chairs down the stairs. To the hilarious - Andrew's cinema treat for 30 fourteen old boys which didn't go quite to plan. In other tales, a fifteen year old transport geek steals a double decker bus - and crashes it. Staffroom bridge tables are dismantled at 6 a.m. - and reassembled by morning break. An inspection rating is potentially compromised when the inspector gets his car stolen. Headteachers demonstrate their obsessions with litter and graffiti. Health and safety inspectors arrive with big boots and small brains. They include Andrew's own failings e.g. confusing girls' and boys' toilets, interrupting a class at the climax of a story reading, bluffing his way through a term teaching Spanish.

Finding himself unemployed, Cyrus Henshaw does something he swore he would never doa "he applies for and receives a teaching position! He is gradually honed into a teaching machine under the tough tutelage of a domineering principal, an eclectic group of faculty misfits, and a horde of unconcerned students. Telling Tales Out of School is a must have for anyone that has ever taught, or thought of teaching. Not only will Dale Davis' wit keep you laughing, you'll also fall in love with all of the colorful characters."

SHORTLISTED FOR THE TED HUGHES PRIZE 2015 Tabard Inn to Canterb'ry Cathedral, Poet pilgrims competing for free picks, Chaucer Tales, track by track, it's the remix From below-the-belt base to the topnotch; I won't stop all the clocks with a stopwatch when the tales overrun, run offensive, or run clean out of steam, they're authentic and we're keeping it real, reminisce this: Chaucer Tales were an unfinished business. In Telling Tales award-winning poet Patience Agbabi presents an inspired 21st-Century remix of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales retelling all of the stories, from the Miller's Tale to the Wife of Bath's in her own critically acclaimed poetic style. Celebrating Chaucer's Middle-English masterwork for its performance element as well as its poetry and pilgrims, Agbabi's newest collection is utterly unique. Boisterous, funky, foul-mouthed, sublimely lyrical and bursting at the seams, Telling Tales takes one of Britain's most significant works of literature and gives it thrilling new life.