The Fart Tootorial

Joke book about farts, offering information on just what a fart is and how to perform certain humorous moves in association with one's farts.

There are many books on the market giving solutions on how to stop farting. But what is there for people who want to fart more? To fart louder? To fart longer? To fart stronger...both pressure wise, and smell wise? Those that want to become champions at passing wind? Those that want to exercise their right to free speech, and exercise their sphincters at the same time? Those who say to hell with the clean air bill? And to those who want to fart responsibly, and not leave skid marks. And to those that just want to have fun! Well, to all those people, this book is written for you! In this concise, no fluff (well, actually full of fluff and hot air) report you'll learn to do exactly what the book title says... Fart louder, longer and stronger. In this short read you'll learn to build up the fart pressure with scientific food combining, and how to release it at will with advanced bowel control. Impress your friends, relatives, and partners. You'll be the talk of the town. Learn to create copious amounts of wind, and how to utilize it for best effect. You'll learn how to generate the gas, how to control and propel it, and how to make it smell beastly! From meek and mild through too big, bold and offensive...in fact deadly! Use these skills to clear a long bank queue, get a seat on a crowded train or bus, get extra leg room on a long flight, in fact the possibilities are endless. Go into stealth mode and watch people give each other the hairy eye ball as they try to figure out who dropped the clanger. Movie theaters, restaurants, amusement rides...nothing is safe...nothing is out of bounds. Get creative! Use your new found super powers to go above and beyond what others thought possible. Use shock and awe tactics. Singe peoples nose hairs. Create havoc. Have them gagging, and gasping for air. But with these new found powers comes great responsibility. Use them for good. Clear a bus to make a seat for a little old lady...and let someone else take the blame! (Insert evil chuckle here). Everything and anything is possible in this new paradigm of achievement that you will find your life propelled into. Blast yourself into success. Rise to heights and levels previously unimaginable. The world truly is your oyster, or perhaps I should say pickled egg. Forget about dropping your lunch, that will all be behind you...think about dropping a whole shopping trolley of cheese, tasty! Based on real science and food chemistry, this book is very much a practical guide, without getting bogged down too deeply into technical crap. Prac, not crap. There are enough scientific facts to keep the more technically minded satisfied. Onward and upward, go boldly forward into a hole (pun intended) new level of achievement, recognition, and farting pleasure. You will now be a famed Fartiste, and the envy of your colleagues, friends, and work mates. Walk tall, with your nose held high. You will exude a presence that commands attention. At last, gain the respect you deserve. OK, that's enough reading this blurb. Stop dreaming, and get into action and start reaping the rewards of fame and respect. Click the buy now button now, and let the fun begin!

A true story. After being widowed at forty eight, Rose D'Alisio was forced to start a new life for herself and her family. She felt she was too young to be old and too old to be young, but she knew that part of her new life would probably include dating at some point. Rose wasn't too keen on the prospect of it the first time around, but surely dating hadn't changed that drastically since she was last in it twenty-five years ago, she thought. She thought wrong! It was a jungle out there! The days of romance, flirting, and serendipitous meetings were replaced with the fast-paced, instantaneous-gratification-seeking catalogue shopping for that perfect mate, also known as online dating. Rose was no more prepared for this new world than if she had been left alone in the middle of a dense jungle to fend for herself, battling the heat, the bugs, the carnivorous animals. How did she survive? Humor! That is how this book was born and came alive - Kissing the Frogs: A Widow's Safari Into the Online Dating Jungle.

In today's world of texting and social networking, the legendary art of partying has been left to amateurs, wannabes, and party crashers. The true Party Animal stands out from the crowd, dances like a fool, knows the best pranks, gets the girl, and can smooth talk his way out of any sticky situation. The Book of the Party Animal reveals the crucial elements of being a Party Animal, detailing some of history's most famous partiers, compiling a list of the best Party Animal drinks (complete with recipes), and explaining how to rule the dance floor with certified Party Animal moves. The perfect gift for all sorts of occasions, this entertaining guide is sure to improve parties everywhere—one Party Animal at a time.

Anyone can go to a bar and get sloshed. But it takes a special skill set to dominate the dance floor, buddy up to the bartender, preside over the pool table, and sip free drinks all night, courtesy of brand-new best friends (a.k.a. everyone at the bar). Thankfully, the experts behind The Book of Beer Pong have compiled a comprehensive guide that will elevate bottom-dwelling bar-goers to the highest tier of the party hierarchy: the Bar Hopper. For anyone who knows that it takes a little work to have a lot of fun, this pocket-sized guide makes the perfect wingman for an epic night.

For those who delight in the rude, who have fun with the foul, nothing could be more entertaining than this unique look at the world’s most embarrassing sound and aroma. Illustrated with hilariously subtitled images from silent and other movies, it offers pure, unadulterated amusement. Peruse the 2,000-word glossary of various “farts” and “farters.” Find out about Farts in History, and how they changed the world. “The Way of the Third Eye” provides a religious and martial arts guide to farting prowess. To fart or not to fart: that is the question, and a “social directory” answers it. Top Twenty lists present the best fart-related films, books, and songs. Interspersed throughout are boxes featuring facts, quotes, and real-life farters such as Mr. Methane.