The Misreadbible Genesis

A collection of twisted Bible tales from the warped mind of J. R. Eldridge, taking the reader on a journey from the creation of the universe to the arrival of the Israelites in Egypt in this blasphemously funny collection. A lonely deity creates the universe in his mother's basement and makes a little clay man who falls in love with his own rib. After the humans engage in some freaky angel sex, God decides to flood the entire world, saving only a drunkard called Noah and his family. Once the humans have repopulated the Earth, God chooses one man called Abram, drags him from his home in the middle of the night, changes his name, and then tells him to kill his son, forming an everlasting covenant with him and his descendants. Later, Jacob steals his brother's birthmark, boinks his cousins, and comes up with an innovative way to breed sheep. He fathers a dozen kids including Joseph, whose brothers get tired of his dreams of grandeur and sell him to some shapeshifting Ishmaelites who take him to Egypt.

Four hundred years after their entry into Egypt, God’s chosen people have managed to get themselves all enslaved. How can the omnipotent creator of the Universe free his people from bondage and deliver them to the promised land? By sending a random shepherd with a speech impediment to repeatedly threaten Pharaoh, that’s how. In this satirical retelling of the biblical books of Exodus to Deuteronomy, the long-suffering Moses leads a tribe of grumbling Israelites through the desert whilst trying to appease a petulant deity who turns smitey at the drop of a hat. Will he ever reach the promised land? Will there be any Israelites left unsmitten by the time he gets there? And what exactly is the Lord’s beef with yeast anyway?

In first century Galilee, a humble carpenter is given some rather unusual news: he is the Son of God! Leaving his home, family, and carpentry business, Jesus of Nazareth travels to Peraea to learn the ways of the Dunker from his barmy hermit cousin John, who has a penchant for plunging people into water. Returning to Galilee, he calls together a posse of twelve random dudes and begins his father’s mission to preach the Kingdom of God (whatever that means). Along the way, he heals the sick, casts out demons, gives bizarre ranting sermons, and amasses a following. But little does he know that a much bigger destiny awaits him…

The Nativity During the reign of King Herod of Judaea, an unwed teenage virgin called Mary is impregnated with a magical baby by the Holy Spirit. She and her fianc� Joseph travel to Bethlehem for a preposterous census, and Mary has to give birth in a stable. Meanwhile, a group of stargazing magi, who have traipsed hundreds of miles after a star, inadvertently inform the king of Judaea of the Messiah's birth. Herod's Christmas Carol King Herod, the infamous baby massacring tyrant of the nativity, is recast as Scrooge. On the day that would come to be known as Christmas Eve, he is haunted by the ghost of his dead wife Mariamne who has come to deliver a warning. He is visited by three spirits who take him on a journey to his past, present, and future. Will the king heed the spirits' message and mend his ways, or will he forever be the villain that the Bible portrays him to be? Bonus Parodies of A Visit from St. Nicholas and a selection of Christmas carols, and some nativity themed tweets.

For decades, millions of Christians have discovered William Barclay's Daily Study Bible to be the ideal New Testament commentary series for both devotional reading and serious Bible study. Now, carrying foreard brilliantly the pattern established by Barclay, The Daily Study Bilble has been extended into a coverage of the entire Old Testament. Invaluable for individual devotional study, for group discussion, and for classroom use. The Daily Study Bible now provides a useful, eliable, and eminently readable way to discover what the Old Testament writers were saying then and what God is saying today.

This book contains the first part a commentary on the Biblical book of Genesis.

A thorough revision of Youngbloods two earlier studies: How it all Began and Faith of our Fathers, The Book of Genesis provides students with a vast resource for understanding the beginning of the universe, marriage, society, redemption, life, sin and civilization. Ronald Youngblood makes a profound application of the Genesis' message to the issues of contemporary life.

The Book of Genesis is God’s autobiography and the foundation upon which all revelation rests. The purpose of this book is to give the origin of all things, including the cosmic order of the universe and the covenant relationship between God and his people. Speaking the Word from his eternal dwelling place of light, God fashioned everything from nothing, perfectly displaying his awesome wonder. We will never be able to take the mystery out of Creation, for a God who is incomprehensible in his greatness accomplished it. One of the over-arching themes of Genesis is God’s blessing. His highest order is not the earth or the cosmos, it is man and woman, made after his kind, to be containers for his glory. Genesis showcases God’s redemptive heart toward the world—a theme that can be traced throughout the rest of the Hebrew Scriptures. When God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was completely formless and empty, with nothing but darkness draped over the deep. God’s Spirit swept over the face of the waters. And then God announced: “Let there be light,” and light burst forth! Genesis 1:1-3