They Re Your Parents Too

Journalist Russo explores the difficult transition that siblings face when they become their parents' caregivers, and provides invaluable advice for how siblings can cooperate productively during this emotionally charged time.

Your parents are growing older and are getting forgetful, starting to slow down, or worse. Suddenly you find yourself at the cusp of one of the most important transitions in your life—and the life of your family. Your parents need you and your siblings to step up and take care of them, a little or a lot. To make the right things happen, you will all need to work together. And yet your siblings may have very different ideas from yours of what’s best for Mom and Dad. They may be completely uninterested in helping, leaving you with all the responsibility. Or they may take charge and not allow you to help, or criticize whatever help you do give. Will you and your siblings be able to reach an understanding and work together, or will the challenges you face tear you apart? Most of us enter this period of our lives unprepared for the difficult decisions and delicate negotiations that lie ahead. This is the first book that provides guidance on the transition from the “old” family to the “new” one, especially for adult siblings. Here you’ll find practical advice on a wide range of topics including • Who will make major medical decisions, manage finances, and enforce end-of-life choices if your parents cannot? And how will this be decided and carried out? • How will you negotiate caregiving issues and deal with unequal contributions or power struggles? • How can inheritance and the division of property, assets, and personal effects be handled to minimize hurt feelings and resentment? • How will you cope with the natural reemergence of unresolved childhood rivalries, hurts, and needs? • How can caring for your parents be an enriching experience rather than a thankless chore? • Most important, how can you ensure the best care for your parents while lessening conflict, guilt, anger, and angst? Written by a veteran journalist who chronicles life and how baby boomers live it, They’re Your Parents, Too! offers all the information, insight, and advice you’ll need to make productive choices as you and your siblings begin to assume your parents’ place as the decision-making generation of your family. Filled with expert guidance from gerontologists, family therapists, elder-care attorneys, financial planners, and health workers; resonant real-life stories; and helpful family negotiation techniques, this is an indispensable book for anyone whose parents are aging.

From Elizabeth Hay, one of Canada's beloved novelists, comes a startling and beautiful memoir about the drama of her parents' end, and the longer drama of being their daughter. Winner of the 2018 Hilary Weston Writers' Trust Prize for Nonficiton. Jean and Gordon Hay were a colourful, formidable pair. Jean, a late-blooming artist with a marvellous sense of humour, was superlatively frugal; nothing got wasted, not even maggoty soup. Gordon was a proud and ambitious schoolteacher with a terrifying temper, a deep streak of melancholy, and a devotion to flowers, cars, words, and his wife. As old age collides with the tragedy of living too long, these once ferociously independent parents become increasingly dependent on Lizzie, the so-called difficult child. By looking after them in their final decline, she hopes to prove that she can be a good daughter after all. In this courageous memoir, written with tough-minded candour, tenderness, and wit, Elizabeth Hay lays bare the exquisite agony of a family's dynamics--entrenched favouritism, sibling rivalries, grievances that last for decades, genuine admiration, and enduring love. In the end, she reaches a more complete understanding of the most unforgettable characters she will ever know, the vivid giants in her life who were her parents.

"No one book resolves a lifetime of hurts and misunderstandings, but it can remove the blinders from our eyes. Make an effort now." LOS ANGELES TIMES No matter how old you are and whether or not your parents are alive, you have to come to terms with them. This wise and practical book will show you how to deal with the most fundamental relationships in your life and, in the process, become the happy, creative, and fulfilled person you are meant to be.

Wise, smart, and ever-helpful, an essential guide to caring for aging parents. When Jane Gross found herself suddenly thrust into a caretaker role for her eighty-five year-old mother, she was forced to face challenges that she had never imagined. As she and her younger brother struggled to move her mother into an assisted living facility, deal with seemingly never-ending costs, and adapt to the demands on her time and psyche, she learned valuable and important lessons. Here, the longtime New York Times expert on the subject of elderly care and the founder of the New Old Age blog shares her frustrating, heartbreaking, enlightening, and ultimately redemptive journey, providing us along the way with valuable information that she wishes she had known earlier. We learn why finding a general practitioner with a specialty in geriatrics should be your first move when relocating a parent; how to deal with Medicaid and Medicare; how to understand and provide for your own needs as a caretaker; and much more. Includes chapters on the following subjects: Finding Our Better Selves The Myth of Assisted Living The Vestiges of Family Medicine The Best Doctors Money Can Buy The Biology, Sociology, and Psychology of Aging Therapeutic Fibs

Ask the perfect questions and receive answers full of wisdom with this easy-to-use guide. Learn from your parents the time honored traditions and habits that have made them who they are today, including their views on spirituality, what they learned in their youth, how they feel about parenting, and much more! With over 300 questions, this guide is a sure way to help you know your parents better.

We are used to having our parents help us, but how do we handle it when the tables are turned and our parents are the ones who need help? Declining health, financial needs, divorce, relational issues—what’s an adult child’s role when their parents are struggling? Counselor Jim Newheiser understands the many types of challenges adults may face ...

In this era of the Boomerang Generation, here at last is a full and frank guide to avoiding the need to move back in with your parents. Rob Carrick of The Globe and Mail is one of Canada's most trusted and widely read financial experts. His latest book is the first by anyone to target financial advice specifically at young adults graduating from university or college and moving into the workforce, into the housing market and into family life. Financial beginners, in other words. Carrick offers what can only be described as a wealth of information, on the full life cycle of financial challenges and opportunities young people face, including saving for a post-secondary education and paying off student debts, establishing a credit rating, basic banking and budgeting, car and home buying, marriage and raising children of their own, and insurance. The book is mindful throughout that parents have a big role to play in all this. It addresses young readers throughout but regularly asks them to see things from their parents' perspective. In that way, Rob Carrick is able to offer advice to both generations. He even recognizes that in these difficult times, moving back in with the folks is sometimes a short-term necessity. So there is a section devoted to such important questions as: Should your parents be charging you rent? For that and many thousands of dollars' worth of other reasons, this is a book that every parent needs to buy for each of their kids, plus one for themselves.