When Helping You Is Hurting Me

The author with her unsurpassed ability as a writer and teacher shows how we can only help others once we learn to love ourselves.

When Loving You Is Hurting Me examines various forms of domestic violence such as family violence; intimate partner, child, and elder abuse; teen dating violence; and men being abused by women. Readers are enlightened about its effect on the victims and those who love and care about the maltreated person. The author deals with the subject from a biblical and spiritual perspective. The title of the book gives a foreshadowing of the subject and the dynamics between victims and perpetrators: the individual who cares immensely for the very individual who exploits and takes advantage of that endearment by mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually annihilating them. Dr. Kimberly D. Shamberger uses scriptural and clinical references to encourage and demonstrate that God does not desire his children to endure maltreatment. It is the authors desire by the completion of this book that all perpetrators will be edified and all victims will have gained knowledge, self-assurance of the love of God, and encouragement to safely change the title to Im Leaving You For Me (Con Funk Shun).

With more than 300,000 copies in print, When Helping Hurts is a paradigm-forming contemporary classic on the subject of poverty alleviation. Poverty is much more than simply a lack of material resources, and it takes much more than donations and handouts to solve it. When Helping Hurts shows how some alleviation efforts, failing to consider the complexities of poverty, have actually (and unintentionally) done more harm than good. But it looks ahead. It encourages us to see the dignity in everyone, to empower the materially poor, and to know that we are all uniquely needy—and that God in the gospel is reconciling all things to himself. Focusing on both North American and Majority World contexts, When Helping Hurts provides proven strategies for effective poverty alleviation, catalyzing the idea that sustainable change comes not from the outside in, but from the inside out.

Have you ever wondered why someone you love would hurt you? Are you in pain and want to stop the hurt? Are you hurting others and want to stop? What are the signs of a hurting person? This book answers these questions and walks you through some simple steps to healing the hurt.

“Every woman who is struggling to understand the mistreatment she is experiencing in her relationship should begin by reading [this] wonderful book.”—Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That? What do you do when the one you love hurts you? Have you been searching for answers to difficult questions about your relationship? Do you feel confused about why your partner seems loving one moment and angry the next? Summoning the courage to ask these challenging questions can seem daunting. You know something is wrong in your relationship, but you are not sure what. If you are beginning to wonder if you are experiencing abuse, this book can offer you support, information, and, most of all, hope as you look for answers. Written by two women with a wealth of experience supporting victims of abuse, When Love Hurts introduces exercises and resources to help you make sense of your relationship, addressing all forms of abuse, including verbal, emotional, financial, sexual, and physical. This practical guidebook is a supportive and nonjudgmental friend to those who don’t know where to turn and is filled with stories from women who have been in the same position. By drawing on your own wisdom and that of the many others who have shared your experience, When Love Hurts can help you find the answers you have been looking for.

A companion for When Helping You Is Hurting Me, the popular self-help guide that has aided tens of thousands. This illuminating workbook helps codependents learn to love themselves and truly help the ones they love.

It's Okay to Have Needs of Your Own You fell in love with him. But over time you've come to realize he's in love with himself—and you feel trapped. His needs, his problems, and his plans always seem to take precedence over yours. Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, offers a guide to help you identify signs of narcissism, understand how your loved one's issues are affecting you, and prepare a biblical game plan for freeing yourself to live courageously in light of God's love. Whether the man in your life can be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), exhibits narcissistic traits and emotionally abusive behavior, or has arrogant and self-centered tendencies, the emotional pain he causes you is very real. Discover the truths, wisdom, and grace you need to spark change in your relationship, set boundaries, and experience healing.