12 Essential Insights For Emotional Sobriety

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Be honest. Few days go by where you don't find your sense of balance thrown off by what someone said about you, how a meeting went, what your social media contacts are doing, how your fortune changed during the day, or your fears about coming events. Most of us face this kind of anxiety, sadness, worry-call it what you will-every day of the week. Most of the times, these things seem minor, but they nibble at us, like so many paper cuts, building up and diminishing our lives.There is a solution, uncovered 70 years ago by Bill Wilson, known around the world as Bill W., a founder of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step program of recovery. The solution is a practice called emotional sobriety.The thing is, Bill W.'s discovery is NOT just for people who are recovering from addiction. It's for everyone. Bill W., long in recovery from alcoholism sought a solution for his continued chronic bouts of deep depression. He realized that his long-term problems occurred, in part, because his sense of self, wholeness, and well-being was completely dependent on external events. Yes, his personal value was determined by what happened to him, by how others treated him, and by what others thought of him. If people liked Bill, great. If not, he was knocked out of whack. Bill W. found his solution in the concept of emotional sobriety, essentially the practice of learning not to try to control your emotions but rather to understand and moderate your reactions to them. In 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety, psychotherapist Dr. Allen Berger writes simply to explain and expand on this concept, combining wisdom from 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous with long-accepted psychological principles. Through heart-rending stories of profound change, careful explanation, and thoughtful exercises, Dr. Berger guides you to a calmer place-and a better life.

In addition to staying connected to our support systems and avoiding opportunities to use during the coronavirus pandemic, we can also keep confronting and conquering the self-destructive things we think and do that undercut our health and sanity. Concise advice on hunting down the personal culprits that sabotage sobriety and personal happiness. To grow in recovery, we must grow up emotionally. This means getting honest with ourselves and facing up to the self-defeating thoughts and actions that put our sobriety at risk. Although there are as many ways to mess up recovery as there are alcoholics and addicts, some general themes exist, which include: confusing self-concern with selfishness; not making amends; using the program to try to become perfect; not getting help for relationship troubles; and believing that life should be easy. In simple, down-to-earth language, Allen Berger explores the twelve most commonly confronted beliefs and attitudes that can sabotage recovery. He then provides tools for working through these problems in daily life. This useful guide offers fresh perspectives on how the process of change begins with basic self-awareness and a commitment to working a daily program.

The author of the classic 12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery offers a fresh list of "smart" things to do to attain and sustain emotional sobriety. Learn the attitudes and behaviors that are key to attaining and sustaining emotional sobriety and developing a deeper trust in the process of life. Dr. Allen Berger draws on the teachings of Bill W. and psychotherapy pioneers to offer us twelve hallmarks of emotional sobriety. These “right actions” help us develop the confidence to be accountable for our behavior, to practice asking for what we want and need, and to cultivate a deeper trust in the process of life. Dr. Berger’s list of smart things includes understanding who you are and what’s important to you learning not to take others’ reactions personally trusting your inner compass Through practicing these twelve things, we find release from what Bill W. described as an “absolute dependence on people or circumstances. Freed from the emotional immaturity that fueled our addictive personality and hurt ourselves and others, we can develop the tools to find strength from within and continue our successful journey of recovery.

Did you know there are hidden rewards to making amends? Without a willingness to experience our painful feelings, we can never grow and mature into the person we'd like to be. We can never reach our potential. We can never become our true-self. To grow, we must stay in close contact with our experience, whatever it is. We need to stay in close contact with how we behaved in our relationships in order to make a thorough list of those we have harmed. We must face the wrongs we have done without running away from the truth. If we were rigorously honest with ourselves while making the list of people we had harmed, we probably felt one or more of the following feelings: anxiety, shame, discomfort, or guilt. This is exactly what we were suppose to feel. We were learning that we don't have to feel comfortable to be OK. In fact, another hidden reward is that the more willing we are to feel uncomfortable the more comfortable we become. Yes, another paradox! One of the many hidden rewards in working Steps 8,9, and 10 is to stay in close contact with our experience so we can learn from it. This self-understanding is at the heart of self-forgiveness and emotional recovery. --Excerpted from 12 Hidden Rewards of Making Amends

Volume Two of one of our most popular books. Sober AA members describe the positive transformations sobriety can bring as they practice the principles of the program in all aspects of their lives.

Guides those in recovery in developing the awareness and skills to deal with life's issues by practicing authentic spirituality and emotional sobriety. Spirituality is a critical aspect of the Twelve Steps and other recovery programs. Yet, for those of us disposed to addiction, it can be easy to get so caught up in the idea of our Higher Power and the abundant joys of a spiritual life that we experience "spiritual bypass"--the use of spirituality to avoid dealing with ourselves, our emotions, and our unfinished business.In Recovering Spirituality, researcher and clinical psychologist Ingrid Mathieu uses personal stories and practical advice to teach us how to grow up emotionally and take responsibility for ourselves. Without turning away from the true benefits of an active spiritual program, she shows us how to work through life's challenges and periods of pain while evolving and maintaining an authentic relationship with our Higher Power.

Herb K., who is also the author of "Twelve Step Guide to Using the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book", continues sharing his insights to the Twelve Steps by explaining the how and why, using his own experience along with traditional and universal spiritual wisdom. This book illuminates a path from the dark world of alcoholism and brokenness to a life of peace, purpose and fulfillment. Herb K. leads Twelve Step workshops, retreats and teaches spirituality and recovery throughout the U.S. and the world.