I Just Want To Be Perfect

I Just Want to Be Perfect is the fourth book in the bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series. It brings together 37 hilarious and relatable essays that showcase the foibles of ordinary women trying to be perfect. The cult of perfection is a thing. As women, we are constantly inundated with "helpful" and/or "ah-may-zing" tips to improve our looks, please our men, raise the next Einstein (in a wheat-free, dairy-free, and sugar-free environment), and feng shui the crap out of our homes. Whether it's the hot new diet that involves only eating what you can forage from the floor of your minivan, bleaching everything from your hair to your teeth to your butt hole, or clearing your clutter by mindfully thanking your ratty underwear for its long, dedicated service before you toss them, we've all tried something to be more perfect. We all try strive for perfection and balance in our lives, and most of us fail--spectacularly. These are those stories.

Katie and her family are chosen to appear on a new TV show, 'So You Want to be the Perfect Family?' A panel of experts try to bring the family to perfection, tackling one 'problem area' (such as clothes, eating habits and inter-personal relationships) each week. The ensuing chaos thrusts the family into the limelight, and eventually they begin to wonder whether becoming 'perfect' is really such a good idea...

Discover This One Principle One Solution to Create Happiness And Success in All Areas of Your Life! - Unhealthy Weight - Constant battle to lose weight only to re-gain more. Are you Hiding from Happiness? Learn how to make lasting changes from the inside out. - Failed Relationships - Always attracting wounded partners. A mirror of low self-esteem? Discover how to change limiting beliefs and attract perfect relationships. - Never Enough Money - Always just enough to get by. Feeling unworthy of prosperity? Develop the skills necessary to attract abundance into your life. - Self-Sabotage - Procrastination, excuses. Afraid of success? Learn how to overcome limiting behavior.

Subtitle on cover: A collection of hilarious essays about motherhood.

Hana Schank had never given much thought to her wedding, or even really imagined herself married, so when she found herself suddenly sporting a brand-new engagement ring she assumed planning a small, low-key wedding would be no big deal. But soon she finds herself adrift in Wedding Land, a world where all brides are expected to want to look like Cinderella, where women plan weddings with fantasy butterfly themes, where a woman's wedding is, without question, the Happiest Day of Her Life. Despite her best efforts not to become a Bridezilla, Hana finds herself transformed from a thirty-year-old woman with a 401(k) into a nearly unrecognizable version of herself as she spends weeks crafting save-the-date cards, worries about matching her cocktails to her wedding colors, and obsessively reads Martha Stewart Weddings magazine. She decides that, if she is going to follow traditions like wearing white and walking down the aisle with flowers, she at least wants to understand why. In her search she turns up interesting wedding facts: bridesmaids, for instance, were originally recruited to confuse evil spirits. Ultimately, she casts a critical eye on the $72 billion wedding industry, from the women at wedding websites who cackle over the etiquette missteps of others to wedding magazines that provide checklists of 187 tasks to plan the perfect wedding, suggesting that to have anything less is to fail as a bride, as a woman, as a wife. Part confessional memoir, part social critique, A More Perfect Union chronicles a year in Wedding Land, capturing as it does not only the stresses but the undoubted joys of becoming a bride.

"This book, a polished, winding meditation on the theory and fractiousness of motorcycles, celebrates both their eccentric history and the wary pleasures of touring."—The New Yorker In a book that is "a must for anyone who has loved a motorcycle" (Oliver Sacks), Melissa Pierson captures in vivid, writerly prose the mysterious attractions of motorcycling. She sifts through myth and hyperbole: misrepresentations about danger, about the type of people who ride and why they do so. The Perfect Vehicle is not a mere recitation of facts, nor is it a polemic or apologia. Its vivid historical accounts-the beginnings of the machine, the often hidden tradition of women who ride, the tale of the defiant ones who taunt death on the racetrack-are intertwined with Pierson's own story, which, in itself, shows that although you may think you know what kind of person rides a motorcycle, you probably don't.

With a biting, satirical style reminiscent of The Onion, How to Be a Perfect Christian takes a humorous look at the quirks of cultural Christianity while subtly challenging the reader to search for more than a cultural faith. Written in the trademark style of The Babylon Bee, this book humorously satirizes cultural Christianity while peppering in subtle challenges to the reader. Through humor and sarcasm (and a handy meter to rank your "holiness" as you progress through the book), readers will be called to find a more biblical understanding of the Christian faith, all while poking fun at the quirks of the modern, American Christian community.

A New York Times bestseller from Iris Johansen, author of the Eve Duncan novels. She had the perfect life. She had the perfect cover. She was the perfect witness. Until they found her. When Teresa Casali was young she discovered she had a strange gift: the ability to read people's memories. But the gift seemed more like a curse as her mob boss father used her to gain the upper hand in his world of corruption and violence. Exposed by her own family to the darkest impulses of mankind, Teresa is alone and unprotected. She realizes that if she is to survive, she has to run. Out of nowhere, or so she believes, a man by the name of Andre Mandak appears. He kills her pursuers—but that's not nearly enough for Teresa to trust him. It is his promise to get her into Witness Protection, along with his mind-blowing ability to help her control her gift before it consumes her, that convinces Teresa Casali to become Allie Girard. Living a normal life with a new family, she shuts the door to the past ...although Mandak is clear: when the time is right, he too will benefit from her powers. For years Allie flourishes ...until the day her cover is blown and the truth comes tumbling out. Once again she is on the run, with her own life and those of her loved ones at stake. But this time she will not be a pawn. This time she will use her finely honed gift to end the threat that began with her family's betrayal. From perfect target to perfect witness, Allie Girard is ready to take on the past even if it kills her.